Last weekend I decided to test out my new mic for making videos. Spent about an hour outside taping a 20 min class, hoping I could post but really the main focus was practicing and reviewing how I can make the experience better. I was outside, it was 100 degrees, I was in my swimsuit… just to help give you context.
The flow was descent, didn’t spend a lot of time planning it but I’m learning some basics that I can use in any class that helps with my teaching muscle memory. I got through the taping, and was excited to see how it came out.
When I first starting watching it, I began with critiquing the cuing. Where I stumbled over words, where I didn’t emphasize something correctly, where I blanked out completely… all of that to be expected. Even teachers with years of experience have those moments. But, what I found most disappointing in myself, was how much body shamming I was doing while watching it.
I’ve picked up a few quarantine pounds with the abrupt change in schedule, very little walking through the day, etc. Stress, anxiety, etc. all real things right now that are creating imbalance in my eating, how I move, my motivation, etc. But regardless, I know my body has jiggly areas. But, watching that video, my attitude and thoughts made me feel like an imposture. The thought of “who would be inspired by this” kept running through my mind.
These thoughts didn’t feel good.
So, I stopped. I stopped trying to edit, critique the video. And instead I looked at it as one indicator my success.
- I made a 20 minute yoga flow video that was challenging. SAY WHAT!?!?!?! WHOO HOO!
- My on camera presence is improving. I’m feeling more natural and showing up authentically.
- In most of the video frames, my position or technique was really good.
- So many of the lessons I learned in my 200 YTT training have already paid off.
- My practice is deeper and my knowledge of yoga is much improved.
NO reason for shame!
Often we approach a project or something we do with the expectation of perfection. In this case, I was hyper focused on the physical comparison between myself and tenured fitness professionals. This is something I still need to grow past and really embrace that my imperfections are enough reason to demonstrate progress to my students. That these steps are examples of my personal growth and progress, and instead of my focus being on irrelevant stuff, it should be focused on how I can start helping others.
Case in point: When I was in my early twenties, I took a step aerobics class on Tuesday and Thursday. The instructor didn’t look like the other instructors. She was a curvy gal like me. But she kicked my butt each week, and each time I went back to her class I was more encouraged and determined to do better. Seeing her each week reminded me that I don’t have to look a certain way to be FIT. That taking care of myself, striving for a balanced approach, meant that I was already FIT. FIT is a mindset and an attitude!
Please continue to give yourself grace and focus on how you take care of your mind, body, spirit. Beauty and strength are seen in many different ways. My extra belly skin, fat, jiggles may be the exact encouragement someone needs to try something new. So, no more shaming!!! Only embracing that this is me and I’m so grateful for this body.